You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
