You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
