dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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