no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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