did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
