I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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