you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
