Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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