If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
