I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
