uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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