I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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