His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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