He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
