Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..