I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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