You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
