I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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