I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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