HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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