About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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