Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
