please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
