His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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