Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
