there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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