69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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