haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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