so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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