Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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