he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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