I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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