glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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