Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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