It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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