i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
