I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
