i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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