So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
