allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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