ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
