the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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