The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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