just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
