he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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