the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
