Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have aggressive nipples.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
