woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
