I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
