You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
