It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
