Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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