Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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