Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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