I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
