I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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