Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
