I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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