you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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