u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
