You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
