not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
