someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
