It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.