Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.