So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.