i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
