As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
