She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
