Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
