Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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