no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Everclear isn't food dammit
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
